What Did the Invertebrates Know and When Did They Know It?

The National Zoo is closing its invertebrate exhibit. It's obvious to the online paranoid community that this must be tied into the dense pack of recent Washington scandals. The leeches, for example, are long-time IRS employees and know the exact location of the missing emails. The octopus works for the State Department and has the inside scoop on Benghazi. The sponges are clients of the student loan program, the bugs are controlled by the NSA, etc.

The slime molds, contrary to my recent speculation, aren't actually government employees but their skill at brainless, illogical arguments makes them invaluable in the media.