Stop Eating Plants
According to the latest Scientific American (in an article written by a non-scientist), the evil tobacco companies have allowed radioactive material in cigarettes. There is a minor problem with the article: The radioactivity was apparently due to radioactive fertilizer (uranium tends to follow phosphorus) and the same fertilizers are used for growing plants in general. If you really want to avoid radioactivity, you must stop eating plants.
Wait a moment… Aren't people who eat lots of vegetables supposed to have lower cancer mortality rates?
I have, by the way, done this before.