This Can Be Updated

The following sounds like it could be written today with minor updating:

Dear Sir:

We have the distinct honor of being members of a committee to raise $50,000,000.00 to be used to construct and place a statue of Lyndon B. Johnson in the Hall of Fame in Washington, D.C.

The committee was in quite a quandary as to selecting a proper site for the statue. It was thought that unwise to place it beside that of George Washington, who never told a lie, nor beside that of Franklin D. Roosevelt, who never told the truth, as Lyndon Johnson could never tell the difference.

After careful consideration, we think that it should be placed next to the statue of Christopher Columbus, the greatest “New Dealer” of them all, in that he started out not knowing where he was going, and in arriving, did not know where he was, and in returning did not know where he had been, and managed to do it all on borrowed money.

The inscription on the statue will read: “I pledge allegiance to Lyndon B. Johnson and to the national debt for which he stands, one man, expendable, with graft and corruption for all.”

Five thousand years ago Moses said to the Children of Israel, “Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land.” Nearly 5,000 years later Franklin D. Roosevelt said, “Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land.” Now Lyndon B. Johnson is stealing the shovels, kicking your asses, raising the price of camels, and taking over the Promised Land.

If you are one of the few who has any money left after paying taxes, we will expect a generous contribution from you for this noteworthy project.

       Sincerely,

       National Committee
       on the Johnson Bust