The Next Step after Gay Marriage

According to The Telegraph:

A man who claims to have had sex with 1,000 cars has defended his "romantic" feelings towards vehicles.

Edward Smith, who lives with his current "girlfriend" – a white Volkswagen Beetle named Vanilla, insisted that he was not "sick" and had no desire to change his ways.

"I appreciate beauty and I go a little bit beyond appreciating the beauty of a car only to the point of what I feel is an expression of love," he said.

The jokes write themselves:

• They can have their fun now but when the children arrive, they'll fight over whether to raise the kids as animal, vegetable, or mineral …
• His girlfriend is a car because trains insist on waiting for marriage …
• This gives autoeroticism a whole new meaning …
• So that's what's meant by “machine screw” …

Addendum: Apparently, the story “Machine Screw” by John Sladek included a similar incident:

What kind of decent American would go and -- and rape a Cadillac convertible?

Along similar lines, I recall reading of an incident in the 1970s in which somebody married a fifty-pound pet rock, which provoked the comment asking what the kids would be raised as …