Is Saturn from Ikea?

John Tierney's explanation for the Saturn hexagon:

The best theory I’ve come up with so far, after brushing up on von Daniken’s “Chariots of the Gods,” is that it’s the Hex Nut of the Giants, affixed to the end of a massive bolt that’s holding the planet together. I haven’t worked out yet how a race of titanic engineers managed to insert the bolt at Saturn’s south pole. Nor have I identified the location of their hardware store, but we need to start looking for it right away, because NASA’s video shows that it’s swirling counterclockwise dangerously near what looks to me like the end of the bolt. If this thing keeps unscrewing . . . .

This can only mean Saturn is an Ikea product put together with their usual hex nuts. We should have known that already. Saturn's light construction (it is the least dense planet) and attractive design (the rings) point to an Ikea origin.

The moon Miranda of Uranus also must come from Ikea. There's evidence it was reassembled. Clearly, it was put together the wrong way the first few times.