The Magic Power of Government
I suspect many of the complaints about the slow rescue effort after the recent hurricane came from people who think that governments operate using the Ever-Evaluating Eye of Surr-Vey, Lord Of Demarcation, He Who Measures And Assesses:
Of course, if Dubya didn't use the amulet of Fed-Er-Al, that clearly means he had sinister designs.
LaMere held the glowing amulet aloft and transmuted a neighborhood of low-income apartments into a semi-wooded, single-family, residential district with an adjoining riverside park.
Though the amulet had long been dismissed as urban legend, a mythical ideal of zoning perfection handed down from city planner to city planner, LaMere became convinced that not only was it real, but that it had been used to lay out the cities of Ur, Atlantis, and Inver Grove Heights, MN.
"It's wonderful that someone's finally doing something to revitalize this town, even if it is someone who can commune with church gargoyles," said local baker Wendy Kittner, whose business was mystically placed on the National Register Of Historic Places last week despite being housed in a building erected in 1981. "He frightens me, and my concern is that if I defy him, I may be turned to stone."
Added Criclow: "I don't think what he's doing is mere magic. I think it's darkest bureaucromancy."
Meanwhile, the low body count means most people managed to rescue themselves without any bureaucromancy.
Addendum: The link to The Onion is now fixed.