The following was originally posted on Tuesday, March 25, 2003 at 12:49 AM.
Why Iraqi Civilians have Guns
The right-wing of Nuts R Us has recently noticed that the Saddam regime has allowed its subjects to own guns. On the other hand, a well-known picture of the “fierce Iraqi militia” shows them with guns but no ammunition. On the gripping hand, some of the Iraqi forces are wearing civilian clothes and ambushing our soldiers.
If we put this all together, we get: the Saddam regime handed out guns to civilians to ensure they look like soldiers. If ordinary civilians were visibly disarmed, our forces could use metal detectors and treat the civilians leniently with no fear of attack. When they all have guns, they all look like guerillas. They don't need ammunition and if they had it, they might use it to overthrow the regime.