The following was originally posted on Purim, Tuesday, March 18, 2003 at 1:48 AM.

The Real Jewish Conspiracy

A few years ago, I realized where Kevin MacDonald (recently discussed on the Gene Expression weblog) got the details of his theories: He based it on the musical Fiddler on the Roof.

The importance of self-interest in Jewish society is clearly based on “If I Were a Rich Man.” One of the first things the song mentions as a consequence of wealth is the ability to “build a big tall house with rooms by the dozen right in the middle of the town.” This shows how Jews evolved to fit a crowded environment; most gentiles would buy land as part of a move to the upper class.

I don't think MacDonald can handle an exact translation of “dydle deedle dydle digga digga deedle dydle dum” right now.

The theory that Jews always referred to themselves as victims is clearly referring to “underpaid, overworked Anatevka.”

The belief that Marxism and Judaism have something to do with each other is clearly derived from the treatment of Perchik. (“He's a good man. Hodel likes him. In fact, Hodel loves him.”) She is even willing to follow him into exile in “Far from the Home I Love” which implies the above characterization of Anatevka is just self-pity. Perchik's characterization of Laban as characteristic of employers can only be the basis of the widespread belief among in some quarters that tirades against anti-semites in classical Jewish literature led to the Gulag.

Near the beginning of Fiddler, Hodel has her eye on the Rabbi's son. (This implies that religious authority is regarded as partly hereditary.) Of course, this shows how religious authority was replaced by ideological authority among Jews. The Rabbi shows himself to be an obvious proto-Marxist with the prayer “May G-d bless and keep the Czar ... far away from us!” This shows how he did not regard Jews as part of Russian society.

The claim that the two sources of Jewish authority represent a continuous tradition is demonstrated by “Sunrise, Sunset” which shows how Jewish tradition as a whole is more important than the manifestation of it in a given generation. The tradition reasserts itself when Tevye regards a Marxist as a far more acceptable son-in-law than a goy.

The fact that many Jews were willing to follow an ideology (Marxism) that made no sense whatsoever must be a consequence of the Jewish attitude towards tradition. (“I'll tell you. I don't know. But it's a tradition.”)

We can see a possible reason for the change in the replacement of Lazar Wolf by Motel Kamzoil. In a stagnant economy, someone of established wealth is a much better “catch” than a poor tailor. (This also shows how polygyny could be part of a nominally-monogamous society. Lazar Wolf would have had two wives serially. Frume Sarah is portrayed as reacting in a manner more appropriate to the first wife of a bigamist.) In a growing economy, a young man who will spend his working life in a richer society is a better catch.

Most important of all, “Matchmaker, Matchmaker” shows the Jewish eugenics plan in action. Jewish eugenics was designed to produce both intellectual success (“For Papa, make him a scholar”) and economic success (“For Mama, make him rich as a king”). There is also some degree of assortative mating going on. (“With no dowry, no money, no family background, be glad you got a man.”) “Family background” can only refer to the very best genes possible.

One last point: When I regard a possible takeover by National Socialism with disfavor, “It's not that I'm sentimental; it's just that I'm terrified!”

You can see evidence of our other plans in the works of Celine Dione. For example:

It was dead long ago
But it's all coming back to me
It's so hard to resist
And it's all coming back to me
I can barely recall
But it's all coming back to me now

At first sight this appears to have nothing to do with Jews at all until we check it against Spengler. From The Decline of the West by Oswald Spengler (out of context, of course, I must adhere to the intellectual standards set by conspiracy theorists):

In the ‘Enlightenment’ of the eighteenth century the Western Culture in turn becomes megalopolitan and intellectual, and so, suddenly, accessible to the intelligentsia of the Consensus. And the latter, thus dumped into the middle of an epoch corresponding, for them, to the remote past of a long-expired Sephardic life-current, were inevitably stirred by echo-feelings...

This all becomes clearer when we realize that Elvis is a Jew. (He was descended from Jews in the female line.) When we also recall that He has been acknowledged as King by all the nations and has even been resurrected, it should be obvious to the meanest intelligence that Our Lord Elvis Christ is the Messiah.

Conclusive proof of the divinity of Elvis can be found in the book of Isaiah (55:2): “Let your soul delight itself in fatness.”

The above was taken from Protocols of the Elders of Pop Culture. Coming up next: The Judeo-Bolshevik Agenda of the Marx Brothers or Why Did Adolph Marx Change His First Name but Not His Last Name?